Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A window opened by candle light

trust is a funny thing. well..actually its not really.

its complicated and hard and stressful.

seeing the best in people isn't as positive as a trait as one would hope.

trust is the hardest thing to gain but the easiest thing to lose. being able to forgive and forget is something everyone struggles with.

forgiving is easy...forgetting is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and i haven't yet.

maybe a personal flaw, but who can actually say that they have truly forgotten about something that, as lame as it may sound, tore your soul a bit.

Lately i have been thinking about my faith. And certainly you all have. Dont get me wrong i haven't been thinking if i have faith but what it actually means to have it.

there are alot of questions that i have..alot. and these questions i feel can't be answered by what it says in the bible or what a church leader can say. Faith for me is all about personal feeling. you can have all the proof in the world that there is a God up there, but that doesn't mean you believe.

Faith for me is about trust. i trust there is someone up there who will love me unconditionally. he will love us especially if we don't love him back. he will be there for us even when we feel we don't want him to be. And he is the only person that wont betray that trust.

its hard to comprehend his full workings. especially with or finite and non-omnipotent way of understanding. so we can have all the questions about our faith that we want, but for me it comes down to this... do you believe? do you trust? or dont you. there will always be things we can never understand..always...but do you trust that he loves us? died on the cross for us? suffered and died so we can be forgiven our sins... andmore importantly have them be forgotten.

my next point. I strongly disagree people using the bible as a weapon to further our own causes. I'm guilty of it and i know alot of people out there are guilty of it too *cough fred phelps cough*.

it saddens me that this has become almost socially acceptable. it really does. you may disagree with me that it if you think, do you really think god intended his written word to belittle and demean others?

i dont.

i trust that god loves everybody. no matter what they have done no matter where they have been no matter what everybody else thinks about what god thinks.

he loves us....no matter what.

faith for me is trust. a hard complicated and stressful concept that i will always struggle with.


Friday, July 04, 2008

Hate is a strong word but i really really don't like you

recently i have been noticing little things. not bad things but personal quirks about the people i spend the most time with. little things where you think "wow, i'm glad i am his/her friend".

everyone has played games with the opposite sex and i am not a fan. i am guilty of it too because i find myself to be terribly passive aggressive but i am going to change...well at least try to. no more games for me...well at least i'll try.

so i finally devised a plan about how me and my celebrity crush are going to be friends.

you see i don't want to date said celebrity crush anymore mainly because we wouldn't see each other... or with her knowibng we wouldn't hang out that much she hangs out too much and is crazy about it.

i had a friend tell me i wasn't shallow the other day. it made me feel good.

i was accused of being shallow when i said that i wouldn't be able to date someone if i didnt find them attractive.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

when we are cats

I don't like silence.

i have to have something on, something distracting.

for instance right now its "23" by Jimmy Eat World.

you sit alone forever you wait for the right time, but what are you hoping for?

i don't like the silence. but i tend to find it more often then i would like to. with rooms full of people where the sound can be deafening, its still there.

I think it would be nice if the world ran much like a sitcom. where problems are resolved in 30 minutes and girls where low cut shirts.

And having a sound track when someone lets fly a lame joke would be pretty sweet.

why does everything have to have some sort of symbolism?
why can't a highlighter just be a highlighter?

"she says" - howie day


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

son of a mothers lover

I should really be sleeping

i should really be studying

argh! procrastination!

i wish i could blame someone else.

its been such a long time since i have updated in my blog. i wonder if anyone will actually come and read this. i wonder if anyone will notice i have only capitalized one letter?

did you?

i just stepped on a dog...woops.

here is a picture of me eating a dog

well anyways i am sleep time now.