Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A window opened by candle light

trust is a funny thing. well..actually its not really.

its complicated and hard and stressful.

seeing the best in people isn't as positive as a trait as one would hope.

trust is the hardest thing to gain but the easiest thing to lose. being able to forgive and forget is something everyone struggles with.

forgiving is easy...forgetting is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and i haven't yet.

maybe a personal flaw, but who can actually say that they have truly forgotten about something that, as lame as it may sound, tore your soul a bit.

Lately i have been thinking about my faith. And certainly you all have. Dont get me wrong i haven't been thinking if i have faith but what it actually means to have it.

there are alot of questions that i have..alot. and these questions i feel can't be answered by what it says in the bible or what a church leader can say. Faith for me is all about personal feeling. you can have all the proof in the world that there is a God up there, but that doesn't mean you believe.

Faith for me is about trust. i trust there is someone up there who will love me unconditionally. he will love us especially if we don't love him back. he will be there for us even when we feel we don't want him to be. And he is the only person that wont betray that trust.

its hard to comprehend his full workings. especially with or finite and non-omnipotent way of understanding. so we can have all the questions about our faith that we want, but for me it comes down to this... do you believe? do you trust? or dont you. there will always be things we can never understand..always...but do you trust that he loves us? died on the cross for us? suffered and died so we can be forgiven our sins... andmore importantly have them be forgotten.

my next point. I strongly disagree people using the bible as a weapon to further our own causes. I'm guilty of it and i know alot of people out there are guilty of it too *cough fred phelps cough*.

it saddens me that this has become almost socially acceptable. it really does. you may disagree with me that it if you think, do you really think god intended his written word to belittle and demean others?

i dont.

i trust that god loves everybody. no matter what they have done no matter where they have been no matter what everybody else thinks about what god thinks.

he loves us....no matter what.

faith for me is trust. a hard complicated and stressful concept that i will always struggle with.


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