USB = undergoing situational ball kicking

im in hate with my usb stick. it causes me mental anguish. usually i wouldn't care if a usb stick stopped working i mean...its an inanimate object, its just the fact that it has all my work on it. my capstone, my 420 project, edpsych project, and various other projects and workings.....sigh.

but i will move on and get over it. time heals all right? This USB port chapter in my life has ended and i assure you its been an epic tale, filled with love, hate, times with laughter and periods of crying. it surely has been an emotional rollercoster and in some sick way im kinda glad my relationship with it died.

i remember when i first bought it, i was so young and naive. now i am this withered shell of a man. I want to move on...no....i WILL move on.

i guess this is what heartbreak is. Its not that bad.

...ooh there it is....ah it feels like a baby is eating parts of my heart

oh interesting tidbit of information, your heart has 40,000 neurons in it. so its kinda like a minibrain in your heart. That and many other random facts about the body is on my dead USB port. i could say more if only it wasn't dead.

ok now im just brooding... im leaving now

The courage i have is with you, but im too scared to get it.

for my nights vacation with you.
those are the times i can feel you.
the times i hold your hand.
the moments i dont want to give up

the day comes, spent without you
a moment closer but still miles away.

know that tonight seems too far away

i was distant, non existent

i like random titles.

hey vince and dave your sitting at the table with me right now! im going to say hi ready for it? here i go.

k i didn't do it.

so...

So if you didnt know, i tend toput my foot in my mouth...and im going to do it again...right now so get ready.

now keep in mind i do believe that what the bible says is true but i was thinking

now joseph smith is the founder of the morman religion and if you dont get the reference i suggest you watch southpark.

now i shall draw a correlation between him, and moses.

so joseph smith had an angel come to him in a dream and tell him that there were magical sear stones and tablets buried in the forest. and he used these seer stones to read the tablets that were convieniently located in a hat which no one saw.

so he read these "new scriptures" to a publisher who wrote them down and published them.

but when joseph smith was asked to repeat what he had read from the magical stones, he got angry and was not able to repeat it. rather convienient.

so here comes the correlation... ready? its heretical

so moses (at first) was the only one who could go up the mountain and talk to a burning bush (if anyone were to follow they would be put to death). he came back with tablets reading the ten commandments.

the person who also went up the mountain was aaron, his brother.

who could have been persuaded quite easily by his brother to keep the secret.

but keep in mind, im not including the proper context and the plethera of miracles that moses performed like turning staffs into snakes, parting the red sea, turning rivers into blood etc etc. im just saying you could say what joseph smith did in his forest was kinda similar to what moses did on the mountain.

sorry Jesus! I just wanted to point out the similarities.

...darn

my own everything

i wont be sad, but in case i go there
i will wonder the things i did
have done and should have finished

is it better then saying nothing at all?
or wondering if i would have been good at something?
or being good at someone.

hiding out from anything
my own everything
there is buried
a broken blur

a lullaby to whisper what i meant to yell

A window opened by candle light

trust is a funny thing. well..actually its not really.

its complicated and hard and stressful.

seeing the best in people isn't as positive as a trait as one would hope.

trust is the hardest thing to gain but the easiest thing to lose. being able to forgive and forget is something everyone struggles with.

forgiving is easy...forgetting is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, and i haven't yet.

maybe a personal flaw, but who can actually say that they have truly forgotten about something that, as lame as it may sound, tore your soul a bit.

Lately i have been thinking about my faith. And certainly you all have. Dont get me wrong i haven't been thinking if i have faith but what it actually means to have it.

there are alot of questions that i have..alot. and these questions i feel can't be answered by what it says in the bible or what a church leader can say. Faith for me is all about personal feeling. you can have all the proof in the world that there is a God up there, but that doesn't mean you believe.

Faith for me is about trust. i trust there is someone up there who will love me unconditionally. he will love us especially if we don't love him back. he will be there for us even when we feel we don't want him to be. And he is the only person that wont betray that trust.

its hard to comprehend his full workings. especially with or finite and non-omnipotent way of understanding. so we can have all the questions about our faith that we want, but for me it comes down to this... do you believe? do you trust? or dont you. there will always be things we can never understand..always...but do you trust that he loves us? died on the cross for us? suffered and died so we can be forgiven our sins... andmore importantly have them be forgotten.

my next point. I strongly disagree people using the bible as a weapon to further our own causes. I'm guilty of it and i know alot of people out there are guilty of it too *cough fred phelps cough*.

it saddens me that this has become almost socially acceptable. it really does. you may disagree with me that it if you think, do you really think god intended his written word to belittle and demean others?

i dont.

i trust that god loves everybody. no matter what they have done no matter where they have been no matter what everybody else thinks about what god thinks.

he loves us....no matter what.

faith for me is trust. a hard complicated and stressful concept that i will always struggle with.

-matt

Hate is a strong word but i really really don't like you

recently i have been noticing little things. not bad things but personal quirks about the people i spend the most time with. little things where you think "wow, i'm glad i am his/her friend".

everyone has played games with the opposite sex and i am not a fan. i am guilty of it too because i find myself to be terribly passive aggressive but i am going to change...well at least try to. no more games for me...well at least i'll try.

so i finally devised a plan about how me and my celebrity crush are going to be friends.

you see i don't want to date said celebrity crush anymore mainly because we wouldn't see each other... or with her knowibng we wouldn't hang out that much she hangs out too much and is crazy about it.

i had a friend tell me i wasn't shallow the other day. it made me feel good.

i was accused of being shallow when i said that i wouldn't be able to date someone if i didnt find them attractive.

-matt